How to write a memorial speech
Image by Marika Brooks
Speaking at a funeral, memorial, or celebration of life can feel intimidating. Summing up an entire life of meaning and memories in a few minutes is impossible. But by following these guidelines, you can speak from the heart and be true to who they were.
Find your inspiration.
Start by making some simple notes on:
Thoughts you’ve had while grieving
Your own favourite memories together
Any songs, poems, or quotes that remind you of them
Specific things they shared about their life
At this stage, dive into whatever feels right. Maybe words aren’t even the best way to honour them or to interpret your feelings. Performing a song on their old guitar, lighting their favourite cigar, playing their favourite music, or watching old home videos may be just the thing. Do what makes you feel connected, not what you think you “should” do.
2. Just write.
Let go of the formalities and just start writing. Don't get bogged down by format or getting things perfect. Light a candle, look at a smiling photo, maybe even smell their perfume. What comes to mind? Write in your own voice, the same way you would normally talk.
Guests at the memorial or funeral will want to feel like you are talking to them, not reading from a script. So the most important thing to keep in mind is to write from your heart.
3. Set the tone.
For most of us, writing a eulogy or memorial speech is an emotional experience. And that is perfectly natural. As you write, try balancing these emotions with some of your happier memories. Not only is this therapeutic, but it gives guests a glimpse into the ‘real person’ and your lives together.
Did they use an expression that always made you roll your eyes?
Did they have any quirks you would tease them about?
Were there any superstitions or lucky charms they believed in wholeheartedly?
Maybe they refused to eat yellow jujubes. Or always wore Hawaiian shirts on Friday. Any small things that make you look back and laugh will bring comfort to friends and family too.
Mixing solemnity and humour can be effective because it allows guests to grieve while giving them permission to celebrate a life well lived.
4. Review, revise, rehearse.
Your first draft is almost never your last. Read through and decide what to keep and what to omit. Consider how long you would like to speak. When in doubt, we suggest erring on the shorter side and sticking with the things that keep returning to your mind.
Practice it out loud, then let it sit for 12 to 24 hours before reviewing and rehearsing again. Aim for a final length between 5 to 10 minutes.
Questions? Email us at info@awakecanada.com
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