Grief, “Firsts”, and Memorial Candles

Let’s talk about “firsts”.

There’s something significant about our “firsts” in life. Your first kiss, first car, first home… And then there are the firsts (then seconds and thirds…) you endure without someone. The first snow. The first birthday. The first New Year.

If you’ve lost a loved one, it can feel like the people in your life have moved on without you. That they cried and reminisced and offered condolences, and then went on living.

But when someone you love has died, grief can seem like a never-ending journey. You can be faced with a new memory or feeling or ache in your chest with simple everyday occurrences.

The major milestones become both joyous and painful. You may feel their absence so strongly that you see their face in a crowd, or hear their voice in a conversation, or smell their perfume in a store. You miss their comforting touch, wonder what they’d think, and hope that they’d be proud.

If this is you, know that this is normal. The truth is, grief lasts far longer than the memorial or funeral. Grief is a reality that never truly leaves you. It changes you—just as your loved one did in life. And if you listen to it, it can eventually make you stronger.

Healing in Grief

Try something with us. When you feel the pain of your loss, on an important “first” or any unexpected moment, light a clean-burning memorial candle. Sit with your sadness, and give yourself permission to explore whatever thoughts come to you. If you hear their voice, what are they saying? If you see their face, what is their expression? How would you respond?

Sit for 2 minutes (or 20 minutes, or 2 hours)—however long you can, and however long you need. When you’re ready, take a deep breath and blow out your candle.